Ask Me: “Being Unsafe: Should I Fake It Until I Make It?”


Q: “I used to be a classic nice guy, but in the last months I’ve been radically changing all of that and the success I’ve seen as a result has been really significant. How do you feel about “fake it til you make it”? Because that’s where I feel I’m at in this point. Everything I do on the outside are the characteristics that you describe as the Good Unsafe, but on the inside, I still feel like a classic nice guy. It’s working as I’ve been dating a lot more, got a girlfriend (then broke up with her 2 months later because I didn’t feel chemistry) and all that. But I still feel I haven’t achieved a core identity level change. Being Good Unsafe still feels unnatural to me. I don’t want to have to think about being Good Unsafe. I just want to BE Good Unsafe? Not sure if I’m making any sense here, but any advice?”


A: Firstly, congrats on all the radical changes and success in the last few months. To answer your question, I believe faking it until you make it is okay. Don’t think about it in those terms though, think about it more along the lines as “practicing”. Being good unsafe (being your own person, independent, self-assured, making your own decisions, not being needy or requiring validation from others) is a HEALTHY thing to do, so “practicing” is fine. Faking implies that you’re doing something indecent, but there is nothing indecent about making yourself into a more confident, independent person.

Also, to get really good at anything, you need to keep at it until you get to a stage where you feel confident in your abilities. Think about the first time you learned to drive (if you drive). The first time you got behind the wheel, you were probably nervous. As you drove around more, you gradually got better at it. Now, if you use a car regularly, driving is probably something you don’t put much mental energy into, because your mind automatically switches into that gear and it’s become natural. The same thing goes for being unsafe. Leave your comfort zone and go talk to girls without expecting an outcome. Eventually, it will start to feel natural, and you won’t be actively thinking about it so much, but instead, just *doing it*, like driving. Good luck!

4 Responses to “Ask Me: “Being Unsafe: Should I Fake It Until I Make It?””

  • bob Says:

    All your suggestions are crap.

    • Art W. Says:

      I disagree with you. Not saying you are wrong, you have your right to an opinion, but my opinion differs from yours.

  • Art W. Says:

    Another way to think of it is becoming who you want to be. If someone goes to the gym and goes on a diet to change their body, are they faking their appearance? You are not faking your personality, you are changing it, as long as you are honest with yourself. It is like the top down photo larger females are a fan of posting. You choose what view of yourself you give to people. If you are not honest with yourself, then when people find out the truth of who you really are, their opinion of you is likely to change. Same goes for those girls with those pictures…

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