Part 5: How is what you’re writing any different from every other technique out there?

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(OkCupid original post date: 5/3/12)

Regarding comparisons to all the other dating techniques out there (from a comment in another post): Yes, I agree. Many of the ideas are the same, especially about ‘playing it cool’ and stuff. I haven’t read The Game, but have heard enough about it that I get the gist. I saw one episode of Mystery’s VH1 TV show many years ago, and I also accidentally listened to a CD called “The Art of Seduction” which was in a used car an ex-boyfriend bought.

I feel like the biggest difference between what I’m writing and the others is that 1) I think it’s fucked up to get women by making them feel bad about themselves, and 2) I am trying to emphasize that you should be genuine in your actions. Like, don’t pretend to not care if she doesn’t like you, get yourself to a place where you can really be fine with it. Improve yourself in ways that will benefit your overall life. I don’t think it’s healthy to NEED someone in your life, but wanting is okay. Do you need a woman like you need food, water and sleep everyday? Why is that? Why can’t you create your own happiness without a significant other? Maybe it’s time to look a little deeper in yourself.

Examples of what I don’t like from the other guys: The negging technique. The first definition from Urban Dictionary: “Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances.” No thanks. Then on Mystery’s show, how he had a technique where you go to a club, see a girl you like, then go sit and talk to her friend while basically ignoring the one you really like. She’s supposed to feel crap that you’re ignoring her and start to want you in order to make herself feel more adequate. What the fuck? Finally, there’s the CD I listened to. I think that was the worst one of all. The guy was basically saying that in order to get and keep a woman’s attention, keep eating away at her self-esteem, drop in little compliments now and then, but keep her feeling bad about herself so she needs your validation constantly. What. The. Fuck. If a guy tried any of those things on me, I’d be like, “Are you serious? Go fuck yourself.”

I talked to a friend about these posts yesterday, and he said all of it is sleazy, including my way, no matter how you word it. Girls will know what you’re trying to do and will see right through you. I disagreed. The stuff I’m typing would (and has) worked on me, even if no one else, because I feel that it is coming from a genuine place. The guy is not trying to 1) chisel away at my self-esteem, and 2) there is less awkwardness because I am the one who will approach him if I’m interested in more (as opposed to him showering me with attention and me giving strong hints that I’m not interested). Even if I THINK he’s saying/doing stuff to try to get in my pants, he is still not trying to make me feel bad about myself and he’s not harassing me, so why should it bother me? It wouldn’t. I have a few friends who are guys that I could tell were interested in me, but luckily they got the hint pretty quickly and we continued to be friends. There was no awkward “talk” about how they wanted to date me and me saying, sorry, let’s just stay friends. They had enough sense to get my hints and leave it alone. The guys I’m thinking of are all happily attached now, and no, would not try to come on to me if we were alone together.





One Response to “Part 5: How is what you’re writing any different from every other technique out there?”

  • Rhotomago Says:

    I can sympathize with your nice guy friend who finds all of this dating stuff terribly sleazy.Whenever any of my own female friends are approached by romantic suitors (who are not me)I’m always appalled at the sordidness of such brazen shenanigans.Strangely enough for someone who is so critical of the intenions of other males I’ve always felt my own motivations to be entirely innocent.

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