May 31 2012

A Message to Redditors

datingwtf

Many updates, but first, a message for people on the FA:Improvement and Seddit forums on Reddit. Holy crap guys. Do you want to know what happened after my blog was linked to Reddit? This is what happened:

Photobucket

Continue reading


May 31 2012

Comment of the Day: Superman

datingwtf

I’m rolling out a new feature. It’s called “Comment of the Day”. I have a collection of awesome comments, emails, and messages from friends, OkCupid, Reddit, and books that have to do with the topics on this blog. Let’s start off with one from a friend, who said he wants to be referred to as “RJD2” on this blog.

“It just occurred to me that your “safe/unsafe” thing might be best understood (to my neolithic mind) in terms of the “dysfunctional love triangle” of Lois Lane and Clark Kent as/not as Superman. Clark loves her, she loves Superman, and he…he is busy saving the world. She never wanted him to take off his cape for her. Check out the Wikipedia of the relationship between Clark and Lois.

Yes. So perfect.





May 31 2012

Ask Me: “Being Unsafe: Should I Fake It Until I Make It?”

datingwtf

Q: “I used to be a classic nice guy, but in the last months I’ve been radically changing all of that and the success I’ve seen as a result has been really significant. How do you feel about “fake it til you make it”? Because that’s where I feel I’m at in this point. Everything I do on the outside are the characteristics that you describe as the Good Unsafe, but on the inside, I still feel like a classic nice guy. It’s working as I’ve been dating a lot more, got a girlfriend (then broke up with her 2 months later because I didn’t feel chemistry) and all that. But I still feel I haven’t achieved a core identity level change. Being Good Unsafe still feels unnatural to me. I don’t want to have to think about being Good Unsafe. I just want to BE Good Unsafe? Not sure if I’m making any sense here, but any advice?”

———

Continue reading


May 30 2012

The Kindness of Strangers

datingwtf

Hi Redditors. I’m coming to visit you soon. Thank you for reading the posts.

—————-

(OkCupid original post date: 5/29/12)

You know what I love about this world? The people in it. Yes. It’s time to stop reading this now if you’re a misanthrope. In the last 24 hours, I’ve been trying to make a website. Not a WordPress blog, an actual purchased domain thing. I’ve been getting quite a bit of traffic on my blog [almost 13,000 hits], and I have a few more months before grad school starts, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try and turn this into a kind of part-time job. I had no idea where to start. I googled a few things, bought a month of hosting time, then I was stuck. I used the ‘live chat’ function on the hosting website, then started chatting with “Noel D”. My style of chatting could be construed as “annoying” where I think of something then hit send. If you’ve read any of my writing, it’s very similar. Stream of consciousness type thing, like so:

so

Continue reading


May 28 2012

Ask Me: “We Were Inseparable, But Then She Vanished”

datingwtf

Q: “I met a girl through work. We hit it off like wildfire and became inseparable after the second date. I’ve never had a girl be so infatuated with me. She even used that very word on more than one occasion. Anyway, it was the most blissful 6 weeks of my life. However, now that I’ve had time to evaluate, I think our relationship might have been ruining her school and work life. She expressed to me on one occasion that she had been showing up late, which I didn’t read much into at the time. Also, during our last week together she nearly had a meltdown about school stress. I couldn’t even look at her without her bursting into tears. I have the distinct feeling she was blowing off school work and spending every minute with me. Out of nowhere she began avoiding me. Looking back now, I know from our argument that she felt guilty not being able to hang out with me, so she was avoiding communication so she wouldn’t have to say no. Regardless, I was completely blind to all of this, so after 4 days, and a harsh response to my ‘what’s with the silent treatment’ text, I overreacted.

Continue reading


May 27 2012

Part 8: Getting out of the friend-zone

datingwtf

Quick vocab lesson if you didn’t read the first post about nice guys:

“Safe” – Predictable, caring, very nice guys who you know will drop everything to be with you, eager to please, very sweet. The type of guy you’d want to have a family with – good father, dependable, doesn’t cheat, etc. The type of guy who often ends up in the friend zone.

“Unsafe” – It’s about being your own person. Not being needy, being independent, being self-assured, making your own decisions, and not caring so much about what other people think about you. Someone who doesn’t need a lot of validation from others and has an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.

Also, for reference: The safe/unsafe chart.

—–

Part A: Nice and safe.

Ah, the dreaded friend-zone. The nice guy’s greatest adversary. But, do not fret. Today’s thoughts are about how you can get out of the friend-zone. It happens, all the time. How do I know this? Because some of the guys I’ve dated/had relations with started out as friends. I’ve also heard quite a few “how we met” stories where the woman “changed her mind” about a guy she originally friend-zoned.

I’ll start with a story: the story of how I met my current partner, a person who is very much a ‘nice guy’. I mentioned in a previous post, “I met the person I’m currently dating in our college dorm. He was a grad student, I was an undergrad, and we were across-the-hall neighbors. This wasn’t your typical college dorm. There was a good mix of upper-division undergrads, grads, and post-docs, and about half the residents were international students.” So let’s carry on from there.

Continue reading


May 25 2012

Protected: How to Be Young and Stupid

datingwtf

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


May 25 2012

Men know early on when they’ve met The One. Yes/No?

datingwtf

(OkCupid original post date: 5/17/12. The original post is called “Men, I need your opinion.”)

I thought this was interesting:

Photobucket

What Henry says about men and knowing early on – is this what all/most men think? I’ll give more context later. [What happened next was a bunch of people commented and said, no, what Henry says is bullshit].

——————-

Edit 1 (5/17/12): New question that has to do with the original topic: True or untrue – You’re a guy, you’re walking along a street, and you see a bunch of girls. You can easily differentiate between the girls you’d like to get to know better (you’re attracted to physically) and the girls who are “eh”. Now, from these girls you’re physically attracted to: can you tell within a short amount of time after talking to them if they are “long-term” potential or “short-term” potential? Long-term = you have respect for her. You want to do things for her. You want to make her happy. She makes you happy. Short-term = you’re not really feeling it, but she’s okay. No one you’d want to start a family with or anything. You don’t mind having sex with her and keeping her around, but YOU ALREADY KNOW it’s not going to go anywhere. You know this very early on.

Continue reading


May 24 2012

How to Make Your OkCupid Profile Interesting and Readable

datingwtf

(OkCupid original post date: 3/1/08)

I’ve found myself bitching about this lately on OkCupid, so I’ll just write about it and be done with it.

So I’m not exactly a connoisseur on this (in fact, people have told me I should change/update my own profile, but I don’t really care since I’m not using this site to find dates) but I know what interests me and what makes me read a profile in its entirely.

It is so incredibly rare that I find good ones that I actually message people with profiles that I REALLY like to tell them so.

Rule #1: Show, Don’t Tell

Remember at school, how when you wrote stories, your teachers always told you this? “Jane walked to class. She was sad and mad. She had just caught her boyfriend and best friend cheating on her, and now Jane was completely alone.” Boring. Do we care about Jane? Do we give a shit who she is? No.

“As Jane walked to class, she could feel the wind whipping the tears across her face. The darkening sky smirked at her, threatening to unleash a storm at will. Jane walked faster, thinking about what had happened. She tried to erase the image of Jack, her boyfriend, and Sarah, her best friend, entangled on his couch. His pants pulled to his knees. Running his fingers through her soft, brown hair. Her, on top of him, shining with sweat.” So the second one is not perfect either, but it’s more interesting, right? It’s more descriptive and makes you wonder more than the first one. The same thing goes for profiles.

Continue reading


May 24 2012

Have I ever dated anyone from OkCupid?

datingwtf

(OkCupid original post date: 5/7/12)

The short answer is yes. There was this one guy. He deleted his profile years ago, and I have no idea if he’s still around with a new account. Here’s how the long story goes…

Continue reading